A New Parisian

Ask an American about the French and you’ll undoubtedly hear that they are rude. This really isn’t true. They can be rude, there’s no doubt about that. But their rudeness is often a response to what they perceive as rude treatment from visitors.

This is why some people complain about the horribly rude service during their vacations, while others beam with stories of wonderful treatment. It’s easy to enjoy the best of French people, just understand the following rules.

1. Recognize the proprietor. Shopping in the U.S. is an anonymous activity. We walk into a shop, handle the merchandise, joke with friends about prices and quality, and don’t actually talk to an employee until the mindless chatter at the cash register. It’s difficult to open a store in France. Many times, the owner will be the first person you see as you enter a shop. You are not just walking into a room with merchandise; you are entering a person’s private space and making an intimate connection with them. Acknowledge the store’s workers. A simple “Bon Jour” as you cross the threshold goes a long way. Further, mention how beautiful the décor, merchandise, and/or environment is. Don’t grab merchandise and tease your friends with it. Regardless of making a purchase or not; thank the person as you leave.The bottom line: treat the store as if you’ve entered their home, not just another Walmart or 7/11.
2. Hands off: There are magnificent outdoor markets in France. Every neighborhood in Paris will have a temporary market at least once a week, usually twice. There are also some wonderful permanent market spaces, such as my favorite: Rue Mouffetard. You’ll see a great selection of local and international foods displayed with an artistic flair. The vendors are experts in their fields. They also take great pride in providing you the best choices. In the U.S. we are examine our fruits and vegetables. Each grocery store apple could be handled by dozens of shoppers looking for their favorite one. Don’t do this in France, it’s highly offensive. Simply say hello to the market person and tell them what you’d like. They will select the best fruits, vegetables, cheese, etc for you. Enjoy the pride they take in their work.
3. You are not being ignored: Perhaps one of the biggest differences in French and American culture can be found in restaurants. In the U.S., we expect waiters to check in on us regularly. They ask if the food is ok, do we want more water, to bring the check as soon as we are finished eating, etc.The French waiter is also watching your table but in a more discreet manner. They will watch for telltale signs that you need more water, bread, a plate removed, the next course served, etc. A good French waiter will appear before you think about asking for service.Meals are sacred in France. The restaraunt table is your space until you are ready to leave. You will be provided for and more importantly given privacy until you are ready to leave. This also means you will not be rushed to leave the restaurant for the next set of guests. When you are ready to leave, simply raise your hand to get the waiter’s attention and quietly request the bill.
4. Forget the ice: Sodas are served without ice. Get over it. Learn to drink a Coke without a glass full of ice. Many restaurants have tiny kitchens and don’t stock large supplies of ice for customers.
5. Waiting in line: Americans have no problems waiting in lines. The French do. Don’t get upset if you’ve been standing in line for tickets to a theater and a local cuts in to the line. It’s like a national sport to avoid lines and taxes.
6. Staring is ok. There’s a difference between Americans and French. In America, we prepare for our debut on the way to the office. You’ll see people applying makeup, dressing, shaving, etc in their cars as they head to work. Women will wear tennis shoes with dresses as they head to work. In France, you make your debut as you leave your door. The whole city is a stage. It’s ok to stare at someone, to appreciate their wardrobe, creativity, and style. It’s a very flirtatious society, expect to be admired or viewed by both sexes.
7. Be yourself, don’t dress to impress. Look at the difference between a French and American film. American films are filled with action, little dialogue, and always have a happy ending. French films are filled with dialogue, psychological studies, moral issues, and usually have an unhappy ending. The French are surrounded with literature, cinema, theater, poetry, and art that analyzes a person’s inner self, their morals, issues, and expectations. They’ll see right through someone trying to be who they aren’t. Dress comfortably and true to your personality. Don’t cover yourself with jewelry and expensive clothes unless that is truly your circle. You also shouldn’t dress down. Just be yourself.
8. It’s ok to smoke: Sure there are laws against smoking in restaurants, cleaning up after your dog, and such. But these are not really laws, they are suggestions. If you are from California or another area that enjoys smoke-free areas, you’ll have to get used to some smoke. Don’t tell someone to put out their cigarette or lecture them about their health.